Monday, 24 October 2016
Proud to be parents. As if there is something remarkable about making a baby and giving birth. The same pride will convert to shame if you do not have a piece of paper validating your union with your partner. What a repulsive carrot and stick approach by the society. And how wilfully delusional are the people being proud and boastful about collecting various tokens of worth .
A baby is beautiful whether or not it came out of a matrimony. There is nothing to be proud of though. Anyone can make a baby. Be proud when you raise a decent human being.
Monday, 3 October 2016
I can make a case for living life with the people you love which involves a lot of compromise. I can make a case for the opposite side. Both are compelling to me at different times and on different days. But the life in which I have to explain little things to people is not for me.
Sunday, 2 October 2016
Grew up in a place , came to hate most of the things about it. The religious extremism, the self righteousness of its people, a blinding sense of nationalism, everything made me a rebel in my own right. I cross checked everything I was taught. I became an independent citizen of the world in my thinking. A free human being free from any biases.
Gradually I saw, And today I believe. World peace is a farce. And all the things i hate about this place are common to almost all the countries in the world, in the name of patriotism and religion. All the countries suck the same. At the top of the pool we have US. The biggest war criminal in the world , the country which once evaporated it's enemies with nuclear weapons and has now destroyed so many countries in a completely unjustified war frenzy .The body for keeping peace , United nations is as biased as it could get. It is a dummy of the superpower, could not stop the wars that took millions of innocent lives. Security council can veto anything that is not in the interest of the main five members. As USA freezes all the resolutions that are passed in the favor of Palestine.
The war hysteria generated by India and the behavior of their non -government bodies towards Pakistan clears any doubt I had in my mind , any leverage I could have given them. They are as bad or worse than Pakistan. Worse in that, the extremist parties have more say in government there than here. And average Indians are too intolerant to have a reasonable argument with. At times I have almost hoped to find something credible against Pakistan that would renew my hate , give me this safe and polarized view of the world again. Perhaps. ..its better to be disappointed in your own side. It gives you an illusion of control..It means there can be an escape.Today that I know my hatred of nationalism or religious extremism that i saw here, is not confined to this place. It extends boundaries. And there is no where , no place of sanity to run to. No place where humanity trumps..everything.
It is easy to diss muslims, easier to Diss Pakistan. Everybody does that . But the truth is far more convoluted than it seems. It saddens me to see that everybody seems to have a higher threshold for condemning violence when it is done by the fancy nations. Perhaps we , the liberals , the rebels in this 3rd world , poverty stricken country like to believe that there is something better out there. Except, there isn't. And the thought is scary. I feel a thorough sense of abandonment today.
Tuesday, 27 September 2016
It's alright to work for 24 or 30 hours straight (believe me, even upwards of that ). And Not just on special days but as a part of routine. It gets easier after a period of years until after you become a consultant AND oblivious to the suffering of the ones at the bottom. That is a good time. You can paint your glory and belittle them with the tales of your own suffering and how you emerged stronger on the other end. How , in your time , you were so much better than them. Nobody will challenge you. They know you are better than them. They have no option but to be amused and quiet. This cycle , really seems to work. However, personal strife and resultant glory is irrelevant here.It may get better for the doctors as time goes by, but the CONSTANT of the hospital and health care system is the Young doctors. Each year a new crop comes out. And the cycle stays the same for hospital. It's the clueless house officers running about, feeling miserable and making mistakes.
So what about the patients whose calls fell on deaf ears because you were too tired even just to drag your feet anywhere? What about the patients whose CPR was not as effective as it would have been had they been handled by a human being who was oriented in time, place, and person? What about the iatrogenic injuries because of distraction? What about the countless cases , the countless instances of malpractice that did not feel heavy on the hearts of the doctors who felt it was ok not to care as no one apparently cared about them? Those people who toughened up , indeed. But that toughening up compromised a very humane part of them. What about the substandard patient care and the lives lost ? Should I hush it up because it makes you uncomfortable ? Or is medical negligence a part and parcel of health care and I should accept it as a norm as we tend to accept all vices as norms? There is always room for human error but that human error is recognized and steps are taken to improve the outcome! People are not left to their own devices, going haywire and making random calls on the matter of life and death!!!!
What if the patients who suffered were your family ? And What about the family of the doctor? The family which literally deteriorated behind his back because he was busy managing emergencies and his father's declining kidney function wasn't an emergency at that time ? What about the regrets , and suffering that end up changing you for lifetime ?
What about all of this ? Is suffering a norm ? Should I make peace with it ? Maybe , subscribing to some delusion I could. Is inhumane approach towards patients life a norm too ? Because I am not going to accept it. Not even then when I am on a round with the power to humiliate the ones who know less. I would resist the temptation to tell them how great I was. How I had a work ethic ( which I have ) . How I would do anything for a patient (which I do ). Because in my mind and heart I know that the truth is far too complex, and the problem far too extensive to be trumped by the instances of individual's dedication and hard work.
I know it's not about MY INDIVIDUAL growth for a couple of tough years. It's about the structure , the system of the hospital. For which house officers and young doctors are are a constant. and they are MISERABLE.
Thursday, 15 September 2016
The ones who are abroad, I haven't had the chance to bond with them. I haven't been able to explore their innocence , know their nature , study their personality and marvel at the little wonders that they are.
The way of life is that the flow of love is from elders to the young. Compare what you mean to grandparents and what they mean to you . Compare how you cannot dedicate yourself to your aunts who took all the time to spoil you in your childhood . Compare how you can never be responsible for your parents as they were for you. This is how it is . You are going to be taken for granted too. As I love the children and spoil them silly , I know a day will come when they love someone and they are so consumed by the need to be with them that their story - teller khala would whose time they crave now would become a nuisance . I know it as I know the back of my hand because that's how we all are. There is no tragic undertone to it. If any nephew or neice of mine reads it in future , I am not going to be soppy about it. Be chill. I hope we always have fun outside of the constraint of the relation (as we do now).
Tuesday, 6 September 2016
The close mindedness of Urdu literature today disappoints me. (If what's being added to it by the female writers who wrote for digests originally can be called literature ). There is no spark of innovation , no appreciation of different characters who think beyond the bounds unless it is a story about their 'beautiful transformation' into pious and nice human beings ( read muslims ). The leap of the writers imagination is within the confines of societal norms.
People are diverse and so are their habits , the point of art , if there is any point of art is to appreciate and reinforce the beauty of individual experience. There are as many ways to live as there are people. There is beauty in the subjectivity of it. And the line between good and bad cuts through our hearts in different ways. I dont know a person who was completely good or one who was entirely bad. But the writers today seem to lack the depth of mind that pushes a person beyond their ridiculous need to paint things in black and white according to their beliefs. It is hard enough with people but it is totally unbecoming of writers to be so close minded that they open their hearts , and use their pen to glorify only the characters that attest to some set of morals that they believe in.
Urdu writers today are moral preachers first and writers later . They are so close minded , without any exceptions that it's sickening. Unfortunately , they still exercise their influence over the society because no one can deny the might of pen. Thus the women in our tv dramas are wrapped in their self pity , crying all the time in the hope of salvation and eventually they end up winning hearts with their patience . Thus our common woman thinks that following her heart is a crime she wouldn't be forgiven for, a crime even fate would remember.That's what Substandard literature does: Inspires fear and narrow mindedness in choices.